Forty days ago, on Friday, January 15th, 2010 my daughter Maia Ixchel was born at Ikazia Hospital in Rotterdam. I was ready.
I had prepared mentally by doing nine months of research, reading every pregnancy and childbirth book within reach, physically, by doing yoga, breathing and self-hypnosis exercises consistently, and emotionally, by writing in my journal and talking about the birth day with my midwives, our baby in my belly, my sister and doula Roby, and my husband Marnix. I was decidedly not afraid, I refused to believe things would go wrong, and trusted that my body would know what to do. I knew women all over the world go through this, had gone through it for thousands of years, and some, like my friend Doña Chon, in the jungle on their own! I hoped in fact, to experience the biggest orgasm of my life! I can honestly say I was looking forward to giving birth, to earning the rite of passage, and meeting my baby girl after so many months of waiting and wishing to hold her in my arms.
Like most women in the Netherlands, I planned on having a natural birth, with no epidural. Here, natural birth is the norm, having babies is not a medicalized affair like it is in other countries and many Dutch women actually birth their babies at home with the help of a midwife.
For me, the thought of that humongous needle going into my spine actually scared me a lot more than the prospect of letting my body do what it needed to do. I wanted to be in the comfort of my home for most of the labour, to cuddle with my husband, relax in the bath tub, take walks, stretch on my yoga mat, and drink chamomile, vanilla and honey tea. My birth plan consisted of giving my body a chance to open in the comfort of our home before going to the hospital with my family and midwife to deliver the baby with as little interventions as possible.
My contractions or rushes started days before the actual birth day. The first signs came on Monday as I was writing emails to some of my colleagues who had just returned to work after the Christmas break. I remember writing, p.s. I think I just felt a contraction! The rushes weren't very strong, and I figured they were what they call Braxton-Hicks (or the practice contractions) that prepare the uterus for the work we call labour. That evening we went to pick up my family at Central Station; they were arriving from Paris to welcome our baby into the world. Their train was late and Marnix went to get warm drinks while I waited on the track. Suddenly, I felt a rush so strong that I bent over, grimaced and leaned against a wall. I must have been quite a site, labouring at the station that a gentleman on the train saw me and proceeded to get off and ask if I was ok. I told him I was fine, just pregnant as if he couldn't see that! Then the doors of his train started to close and they almost left him behind! His gesture made me smile and feel warm and fuzzy inside.
My family arrived shortly afterward and I was so excited to see them that the contractions felt light again. I told them what good timing they had since my labour was just beginning... My mom wanted us to drive straight to the hospital! I suggested we go to one of our favourite Japanese restaurants instead. They couldn't believe it! But I knew the baby wasn't coming immediately and that the first stage of labour could take hours... or days in my case! So off we went to enjoy some sushi, udon, tempura, and Sapporo beers! That night my sister stayed up with me timing the contractions and writing down the intervals between them until we finally fell asleep. I woke up in the middle of night to empty my bowels completely just like I had read in the books, so I figured this was really it, and that I would meet my baby girl the next day! I was so excited I could hardly get back to sleep.
On Tuesday, when I woke up, I noticed a beautiful white orchid had blossomed by the window. This was the first time the orchid bloomed since I'd cut the stem at least a year ago. Weeks before I noticed there were four buds and smiled to myself when I realized it was blooming for Maia, just as she was making her way into this Earth. The rushes continued, coming and going at irregular time intervals for the whole morning and afternoon. We went for walks around the marina... my mom, dad, sister and husband were with me the whole time, supporting me and making me laugh. The rushes got stronger in the evening and I couldn't sit down at the table for dinner. Instead I went into child's pose and practiced some of my birth room yoga poses. I spent most of that day and evening rolling my pelvis around on my big silver ball, practicing some of my belly dancing moves both sitting down and standing up.
Around 8pm the rushes were coming at regular intervals every 5 minutes and we called the midwife. When Annette came around we chatted and laughed before she checked my cervix. She and my sister had a long discussion about how wonderful the attitudes are towards natural childbirth here in Holland. Roby explained that in Mexico, cesarean rates in hospitals are around 98% and Annette couldn't believe her ears! Then she did an internal exam and reported that my cervix was very soft but I was only 1 cm dialated. She advised me to try to get some sleep because it would still be a while before our baby girl was born. That night the contractions got stronger, but the 10-15 min. intervals were still too far apart. I knew I was still in the initial phase of labour and that I had to ride it out. In the middle of the night I ran a hot bath and stayed in there until morning. I bobbed up and down on the contraction waves, glad to be in the warm water like my baby girl. I dozed off between contractions and dreamed I was floating in outer space, surrounded by supernova stars.
On Wednesday the 13th, another white orchid appeared next the first one. Orchids are my favourite flowers with their rare and elegant beauty, they are graceful and innocent. Historically, the meaning of orchids has been love, beauty and wealth. The Aztecs were said to drink a mixture of vanilla orchid and chocolate to give them power and strength. My rushes continued throughout the day and into the evening much like the day before. I kept doing my pelvic dance unconsciously, helping Maia make her way down the birth canal and helping me cope with the ebb and flow of the contractions. That day I did everything to try to bring the labour on, even though it was already so intense. I continued doing yoga poses with my sister, trying to relax and surrender to each wave. Later on, Marnix and I laid down in bed together, we cuddled and smooched. Kissing made me feel open and sensual and loved, and feeling his strength pour into me helped me get through the strong rushes that came in the evening. That night I ran another hot bath and moaned my way through each contraction, dozing and waking in between until morning.
Thursday, another orchid, but still no baby. My mom and dad wanted to know why we didn't just go straight to the hospital to get the baby out. I explained that I was determined to let Maia come in her own due time, and that I would wait until she was ready instead of being induced. I sat them down and had them watch Ricky Lake's documentary "The Business of Born" so they could see why I wanted to wait it out at home for as long as possible. That day I baked a "groaning cake". In eastern Canada, wives' tales say that the scent of a groaning cake being baked in the birth house helps to ease the mother's pain. Some say if a mother breaks the eggs while she's aching, her labour won't last as long. Maybe I should have baked the cake two days ago! In the evening when the rushes got really strong again, we called the midwives again. Joyce showed up shortly after and was delighted to try some of my groaning cake and Marnix's special cappuccino.
We chatted and laughed for almost an hour while she timed my contractions. Then she felt my cervix for dialation and said that I had only opened a couple of cms. She did a membrane sweep, by inserting two fingers and gently separating the bag of waters from my cervix. This is supposed to help speed things along. That night the rushes got stronger and stronger. I was in bed but felt I had to be on the toilet. They were so strong that I couldn't move, couldn't even walk to the bathroom and Marnix had to carry me there. At this point I cried from the pain and exhaustion. I spent the night moaning and groaning in the bath tub once again.
Friday Jan. 15th, 6 am. Contractions were 5 minutes apart and lasted for what seemed like forever. I got out of the tub and decided I was having a baby that day. I woke Marnix up and told him to call the midwife. I told my family to get ready, we were going to the hospital. Karin, the youngest of my midwives arrived shortly after. She had been brought up to speed by Joyce the night before and told me she'd been waiting all night for my call. She checked my cervix, we were all disappointed to find that I had only dialated to 4cms (in four days!!). Next, she was going to break my waters. Do you want me to do it here or in the hospital? she asked. I'm ready to go the hospital I said, besides, who wants to clean up that mess... By 10 am we were en route to the hospital, mom, dad, sister, Marnix and a caravan full of stuff, like gypsies. Besides my small suitcase and Maia's pink bag, we were carrying yoga mats, my big bouncy ball, and a bag full drinks and snacks. The hospital is only 5 mins. away by car but it took us 30 minutes to get there! We got stuck behind a truck that broke down!
When we arrived at Ikazia hospital, Karin was already there and had everything ready to puncture the sac. Marnix was still parking the car when I layed down and she did it on the next contraction. I felt immediate relief! Who knew that your water breaking would feel so good! The fluid was green, meaning the amniotic fluid had meconium in it, or that the baby had pooped in the water and it's a sign of fetal distress. As a result, Karin said she wouldn't be delivering my baby and that I would be in the hands of a doctor. I was a little sad at the prospect since I really liked my midwives and had thought they would be delivering my baby... Next, the doctor walked in, a young woman named Bernadette. She was lovely and cheerful and I immediately felt at ease. She checked my cervix and reported I had dialated to 7 cms already! My sister and I hugged and almost jumped for joy. She attached a fetal monitor to the baby's head with a cable long enough for me to move around and sit on my ball. Bernadette said the baby's heartbeat was just fine and said she'd be back in a couple of hours so we could push the baby out!
In the meantime, my mom and sister and I talked and laughed while I birthed in the birthing room on my birthing ball. It was so wonderful to have them there cheering me on and coaxing Maia out. Marnix came in and out of the room and hung out with my dad in the waiting room, or went outside in the cold to smoke his nasty cigarettes. He was on the phone every hour with updates for his family who were gathered together with sixty of their closest friends to celebrate my father-in-law's 65th birthday! After a few hours another a young male doctor came in to check on me because Bernadette was delivering another baby. He did an internal exam and said I had not dialated much more in the last few hours. He concluded my contractions just weren't strong enough to push the baby down and move into the active phase of labour. He recommended oxytocin to help the contractions come on stronger and the nurse set up the IV. At this point I asked the magic question when it comes to childbirth here in the Netherlands: Can I have something for the pain? They gave me a shot of morphine in the thigh to take the height off the contractions. The morphine was great! I laid down, relaxed and surrendered completely to the waves that swept over my body. My sister was beside me chatting and eating away. She had a stockpile of healthy snacks to keep her going! I on the other hand couldn't eat, but swallowed the spoonfuls of pure organic honey she shoved in my mouth for energy. Meanwhile Marnix took my parents to the mall across the street from the hospital and they went shopping!!
Fast forward three more hours, the morphine has started to wear off, I sit up and and finally have the urge to push. I want to push now I said to my sister who was alone in the room with me. She scrambled to get a doctor or nurse in the room before I started to push the baby out on my own... About an hour later Bernadette, the nurse and Marnix came in and the rest is kind of a blur. Maia was born after 45 minutes of pushing, which I've been told is a very short time for the active phase of labour. I remember waiting for the rush and then pushing with all my might, trying to keep the breath in, pushing my elbows deep into the bed and pulling my legs wide. I remember my hermana standing beside me the whole time telling me I was doing it, to keep going, that she could see my baby girl crowning... I remember Marnix standing strong and how both their energies were poured into me to help me bring our daughter into the world. Bernadette kept yelling "Get angry, puuuushhhhhhh!", and I felt my baby moving down towards my cervix. After maybe 8 or 10 long pushes I heard the nurse say "open your eyes", "open your eyes" as she leaned over me from behind and pushed down hard on my uterus to help the baby down and out through the birth canal and into this world.
Maia was born at 7:41 pm and it was really the most glorious feeling ever to see her slither out from between my legs and have the doctor put her on my bare chest. She was a little blue when she came out (later my dad said she looked like she'd had a few rounds with Mohammed Ali!) and I rubbed my baby warm, holding her close while my heart burst with joy and love and relief. She moved her legs and I saw her open her eyes and look at me! She didn't cry at first, and when she finally did it was sweet and polite. I pressed my nose against her sweet, sweet smelling head and cried tears of happiness. I was so grateful she was here and alright. I loved her so much already!
I was able to hold Maia on my breast for what seemed like a long time while they collected the core blood cells from her umbilical cord and got them ready to ship to a bank in a secret location. Finally they weighed and measured her on the counter next to my bed: 3,340 grams and 51 cms. She also scored a perfect 10 on the Apgar test 5 mins. after she was born. Marnix rushed out of the delivery room to tell my parents their grand daughter was born and my mom ran into the room to see for herself. She had actually been waiting outside with her ear pressed against the door, sneaking by the nurses station each time they kicked her out. As I lay there, with my legs wide open like a Frida Kahlo painting, I remember feeling like I was on a cloud, in total ecstasy.
Soon after, the nurse brought us all drinks and beschuit met muisjes (a dutch tradition of buttered toast with candy covered anis seeds). I took a shower while they dressed and swaddled Maia and my family oohed and aahhed over her. Then we said goodbye and Maia and I spent our first night alone together at the hospital. She was such a sweet baby from the beginning. Sleeping peacefully next to me in her crib, all I could do was stare at her. Even with all the tiredness, I just couldn't close my eyes even for a second! I picked her up and put her on my chest again, holding her close against my heart, whispering all my love into her fairy ear and smelling her heavenly caramel smell until morning.
And now, you are here, my rose-coloured star, my warm, soft, moon flower..
and nothing matters but you.
Te amo,
Mamá
ld ever imagine. It is walking around with your heart outside your body. It is being in awe, constantly, at the miracle of life and love... Oh to have made this beautiful baby inside me, cells dividing to the beat of my heart, sharing air, water, blood, and emotion.
